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Saturday, January 15, 2011

Need to trust myself

I have no plans for children anytime soon but when it does happen I need to be ready. How in the world am I going to not completely lose it. Ideally I'd like a homebirth. But you see it'd be a vbac and well I'm terrified. Why? I'm terrified because my whole life I've been told I need to do certain things because if I don't I'm wrong. And vbac is one more thing on that list. Why? It's not normal. Who has babies at home? It seems now like the only logical place. No doctors or nurses to pressure into unnecessary medical interventions that upset baby and push you closer to a csection. I refuse to have another csection. It was beyond traumatic. That whole experience just flat out sucked. That birth sucked. The whole thing. I didn't trust myself. And didn't surround myself with the knowledge or people to make it happen. I wish I had my mom there. She's awesome. Seriously she stands up for me. If I say this is how it should go she would probably rip the doctor in half if he didn't try like hell to make it work. My mom makes things happen. She can light a fire under pretty much anyones ass and get them to do something. If I ever have another baby I want my mom there. Sure we don't agree on some things but when it's time for it to be about me she let's it slide and goes with the flow. I also want a midwife and a doula there. I think that would rock to birth at home. But first I need to get confident and trust my body. Because right now I do not trust my body :( and if anyone ever tells me to get. A csection because I already had one they can kiss my ass. Major sugery to deliver a baby is ridiculous and it was so much more painful to recover from than a vaginal birth. I felt like my guts were going to fall out. If anyone has any help they can offer on homebirth or vbac I'd love to read it.
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3 comments:

  1. UnknownJanuary 15, 2011 at 11:45 PM

    I suppose the circumstances surrounding a c-section vary. My local hospital won't do a VBAC. You'd have to travel over an hour to get one. That sucks. I wouldn't want to have a c-section every. Ouch! Ideally a home birth would be amazing. I would love a waterbirth, but where we live I cannot get a midwife or even a doula. There aren't those types of options here. Simply out of the question, unless we wanted to pay out of pocket, and that's not an option either. No birthing centers either. Hospital birth is the only option here, and they don't allow you to have any decision making power in the process either. I feel ya, it sucks.

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  2. Ashley DoodleJanuary 16, 2011 at 12:43 AM

    If I were in that situation I'd ubac

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  3. Mama CampbellJanuary 16, 2011 at 6:35 PM

    YOU CAN DO IT!!! I fought for my VBAC & it was incredibly empowering & freeing. I personally did not feel comfortable with a homebirth (we live with my inlaws and that would not have flown well with them either), but I know I needed support to feel strong to demand my vbac.

    Have you found ICAN yet? They were so supportive & full of knowledge to share--especially on their fb page! http://www.facebook.com/ICANonline

    And a few other fb pages that were awesome:
    http://www.facebook.com/birthwithoutfear
    http://www.facebook.com/EmpoweredBirth.PA
    http://www.facebook.com/theunnecesarean

    There are others too I'll try to remember to send ya at some point. YOU CAN DO IT!!!

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