Saturday, January 15, 2011
Need to trust myself
I have no plans for children anytime soon but when it does happen I need to be ready. How in the world am I going to not completely lose it. Ideally I'd like a homebirth. But you see it'd be a vbac and well I'm terrified. Why? I'm terrified because my whole life I've been told I need to do certain things because if I don't I'm wrong. And vbac is one more thing on that list. Why? It's not normal. Who has babies at home? It seems now like the only logical place. No doctors or nurses to pressure into unnecessary medical interventions that upset baby and push you closer to a csection. I refuse to have another csection. It was beyond traumatic. That whole experience just flat out sucked. That birth sucked. The whole thing. I didn't trust myself. And didn't surround myself with the knowledge or people to make it happen. I wish I had my mom there. She's awesome. Seriously she stands up for me. If I say this is how it should go she would probably rip the doctor in half if he didn't try like hell to make it work. My mom makes things happen. She can light a fire under pretty much anyones ass and get them to do something. If I ever have another baby I want my mom there. Sure we don't agree on some things but when it's time for it to be about me she let's it slide and goes with the flow. I also want a midwife and a doula there. I think that would rock to birth at home. But first I need to get confident and trust my body. Because right now I do not trust my body :( and if anyone ever tells me to get. A csection because I already had one they can kiss my ass. Major sugery to deliver a baby is ridiculous and it was so much more painful to recover from than a vaginal birth. I felt like my guts were going to fall out. If anyone has any help they can offer on homebirth or vbac I'd love to read it.